September 13, 2006


I have two words for Allure Bride magazine. They are "munch" and "me", and in that order and delivered with beaucoup feeling. Would that I were not so inexorably steeped in my whole ghastly pallor/red lips/tattooed-up aesthetic, perhaps I'd actually go believing that if I didn't get my pasty ass to a tanning spray booth, celebrity dentist, and purveyor of needle-borne face toxins at least one calendar year before our wedding, our guests would pelt me with rotten fruit and hurl epithets in my general direction. Perhaps I'd even have to purchase a small bell to ring as I humped my grotesque carcass down the aisle, so as not to alarm the children with my hideousness.

Nope - seeing as the proposal took place approximately 83ish days before the nuptial event, I suppose our guests will just have to deal with actual, plain ol' scarily pale and criminally wrinkle-eyed me waddling down the aisle. Perhaps I'll have some blinders custom-made for them so I'm not actually legally culpable for anyone's death from revulsion.

Or maybe they'll just be pleased with my actually looking like me - just with a big dress and more makeup. Oh heaven forfend!

Posted by Kat at September 13, 2006 06:22 PM
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